Letter From The Other Side from Cynthia

Dear Del,

We unwittingly caused some consternation to our neighbours by not sharing the information we were to go on holidays and also, that we were thinking of selling our house.

While we were innocently lounging about in the high country autumn sun a group of estate agents, all dressed in their dark business suits, arrived en-masse to asses our house. It is the practice of our agents to send a team,

each one to make their individual assessment and then return to their offices where they compare notes and opinions and banter back and forth until eventually they come to an agreement over what they consider to be a fair price for the property.

Well, some of our neighbours saw these men arrive, park in the street and make their way into our house. It was quite a long time before they all returned to their cars and left.

The neighbours after much discussion and analysis of the men’s business at our home, which evidently ranged from writ servers to a crime or murder squad, came to the eventual assumption one of us had died and the funeral directors had paid our home a visit.

When we returned home everyone was busily checking the death notices in the local paper to ascertain when the funeral would be and which one of us had fallen off the twig. I suspect some had even bought cards for the bereaved spouse.

On the evening we arrived back, we unpacked the car unobserved and Teddy, with his habitual forgetfulness, left it standing in the drive with the lights on.

The neighbour opposite saw the car sitting for some time with its lights on and wondered if she should come across the road. Eventually she plucked up the courage to cross the road but now she was convinced the spouse who had not died a few days earlier had possibly suffered a heart attack and was now sitting stiff and very dead in the car!

Teddy and I have been under an obviously false impression that we look quite young for our ages and because of my constant walking and gardening and his cycling we were sure we had been demonstrating to everyone we knew we were quite fit and healthy…evidently we were wrong.

It must be one of the many drawbacks of ageing…...everyone expects the worst.

The packing proceeds despite the bank messing up our prospective buyer’s papers and putting her in a dreadful dither. We understood her predicament because we are old enough now to have been messed about by our bank enough times to know it can happen and will probably keep on happening.

We keep being asked by friends what our family think of us going so far away. It is only 400 kilometres after all and as we tell our inquisitors the children would think nothing of going to the other side of the world if a lucrative job offer came their way or they felt there was a better life so why shouldn’t we be free to do the same?

I suppose if we lived in England 400 kilometres would put us somewhere in Europe but here, it is still in the same small state.

Monica and her husband are off to Kathmandu next month to attend a wedding, they didn't ask us if it was a good idea they should go because they know I definitely would have said it is a stupid idea for someone with bad knees and feet to be going somewhere with so many steps and a reputation for a less than adequate health care standard than she would have here at home. So why would she bother to ask, I wouldn't expect her to. She is an adult, free to make her own decisions and take her own risks just as we are.

I have always said I would not like any of my family to take care of me in my old age. Firstly they are too bossy and secondly you can dismiss an employee who doesn't do the right thing by you but, it is much harder to dismiss one of your families.

Teddy and I have decided if ever they suggest having us too close we will stay with them for an extended holiday and develop really irritating behaviours when they take us out in public. When in their home we will make sure we get up at least three times a night, bump into as much furniture as possible during our rambles to the bathroom and flush the toilets each time to make sure they remain sleepless for our entire stay. We shall also hide or hog the remote controls of their televisions. There is a host of irritating possibilities we can think of which should put them off the idea of having us too close fairly quickly.

We shall be kind and loving to our daughters and sons-in-law and patient and generous to our grandchildren so that as they wave is good bye they will all sigh and say, 'they are so sweet but we just couldn't live too close to them...EVER'

We have, after all had enough training from Aunt Alice and Uncle Rodger who, by the way, will be closer to us when we return to the hills and we shall have the pleasure of their company more often.

Uncle Rodger when we last saw him was in need of having his nose cauterized because he keeps experiencing profuse nosebleeds. He greeted us at the door with his nostrils plugged up with so much rolled up cotton wool he looked like a walrus that had been in a nasty fight with a rival and he had come off a very bad second best. It wasn't a pretty sight.

I must get back to packing the study’s books and papers. The shredding machine has been working as hard an outgoing government’s office machine works when there has been a change of leadership.

I have developed ‘packers stoop’ this week

Cheers from your slightly bent ‘flower child’ friend,

Cynthia.