Best Friends.



The atmosphere in the small kitchen was melancholy. How else could it be
after the death of Sandra's husband? A blackbird happily practicing his early spring song in the garden sounded incongruous in the heavy silence.
Suddenly Sandra spoke exasperatedly. "You know he made me feel unloved for
years? He always made me feel so unfeminine, even when we were young!"
Her loud voice shattered the silence as Mary stood in shocked disbelief at this statement.
Sandra was a well built, tallish woman, usually dressed in bright colors and who's
personality was so overwhelming, at times it seemed to bristle out and fill the space
around her.
"You've been married for thirty -seven years!" Mary at last replied.
"Mm, and I often wondered why."

"What do you mean you wondered why?"
"Why I stayed with him for so long?"
"You loved him didn't you?" Mary's voice broke as she asked
"I suppose. I did at the beginning. But, it didn't take me long to find he was weak
in so many ways. I despised his weakness and I lost my respect for him." She paused as she played with the sugar sweeping it about in the bowl. "He was clever, I'll grant himthat." Sandra added as an afterthought.
"Well." Mary's chin quivered a little. "Other women envied you such a charming man."
"Charm!" Sandra banged the table in front of her with her hand making Mary ump. "Don't talk to me about charm!" she continued. Her face tightening with anger.
Sometimes it made me feel sick seeing him playing up to fools taken in by his so-called.
charm.” "

Mary was stunned and overwhelmed by Sandra's words and turned to the sink
behind her, pretending to wash her already clean cup, in an effort to hide her confusion.
Her fluffy curls shook with her movements and her soft face vibrated a little as she tried to think clearly.
"Well, it's over now." She sighed heavily, " and you will miss him no matter what
you say."
"Oh yes. I will." Sandra agreed. "Oh yes, the house will be empty without him."
"Ready?" Mary queried.
"Almost. I have to get my coat It's good of you to come with me Mary." Her
voice softened a little as she looked at her friend of many years. She could be a generous and kind woman, Sandra reminded herself, as she contemplated her dumpy companion. It was strange that two women so different in outlook and character could get on so well for so long. Mary was a romantic and read 'drivel' as Sandra called it and she rarely ventured outside to do any physical activity.Sandra on the other hand. loved gardening and grubbing in the dirt. She enjoyed long walks and could often be seen striding along the paths of the small town accompanied by her dogs.
"It's the least I can do." Mary spoke softly, bringing Sandra out of her
thoughts. "After all, he was my friend too." Her voice broke as she turned away to the sink again.
"He had affairs you know."
Mary caught her breath momentarily.
"Oh yes, I knew." Sandra's voice became belligerent again. "He always
had someone else on a string. He just couldn't help himself Maybe it was because he
knew how I felt. Maybe he wanted to keep me angry with him. Who knows? He just had
to be always proving to himself how attractive he was to women. I just became sick of
the whole thing and got on with my life." She shrugged
"Did you know any of them?" Mary had to ask. Why to-day of all days did Sandra have to be so vindictive? It was getting too much for her.
"Oh yes. When we were younger he loved to make me jealous. It was a game with him. He loved the secrecy, it added an extra buzz to the affair but he liked me
to find out in time before it could get too 'difficult' for him and the woman would get too serious. Once I found out who it was, he would drop her and start looking for the next."
"He seemed to be such a good listener and so very understanding. " Mary was becoming more upset by the minute. Why, she wondered had they never spoken this intimately before? It could have saved so much hurt?
"Huh, listener my foot! He only appeared to listen. Usually his mind was somewhere else but, he knew giving someone the chance to talk: about themselves was sure way of getting them to like him."
"As she ended her venemous filled tirade Sandra looked up at caught a look of anger in Mary's eyes.
"You and he got on well didn't you? Did he ever tell you how he felt? Did he listen to your problems? Did he ever mention he wanted to leave me?"
"No... ... never." Mary's eyes slid away from Sandra's stare.
Sandra studied this woman she had known for so long, she knew when she knew she was lying. They had shared many things but had kept their intimate lives private. Being
the age they were. both women had been brought up to believe that private was just that,private.
She thought of shared things, had there been shared betrayals too? Little things
flitted through her mind. Pictures, fragments of memory. Gerry leaving her on her own
with the flu' while he rushes next door to fix Mary's washing machine. Gerry helping
Mary to carry heavy shopping and leaving her to struggle on her own. Gerry and Mary
sharing jokes, but not with her. All the little things that Gerry found to fix and do at Mary' house.
"What a fool I've been." She spoke menacingly as she walked around the table and stared in Mary's face. "You were the last one weren't you?" she hissed. "All the
years I thought you were my friend, but it was just an excuse for you to be near him. How stupid of me not to see it until now. How you both must have laughed at me . You treacherous bitch!"
She moved quickly and lashed her hand across Mary's face, shattering her glasses and flinging them across the floor.
Mary held her hands to her stinging cheek She was stunned, but could not retaliate. It was no use denying Sandra's accusations. Instead, her grief and guilt erupted
in an outpouring oflong held anger and tears streamed down her face making it look
blotched and older.
"I miss him even if you don't." she shrilled, fmding her voice at last "I loved him,
you didn't. You just liked to boss him about like some servant. It was only your money that kept him. You made him feel useless. unmanly. You didn't know what he needed. He needed a real woman. someone soft and gentle."
"Like you?" Sneered Sandra. "Soft. silly and simpering like you? Rolling your
eyes and giggling at him like some silly empty-headed teenager?" Sandra laughed "Oh
no. he needed someone with strength. That's why he played with you but stayed with me. He knew who would support and care for him if life got rough and yes. I did boss him and he loved it He hated taking responsibility. If I made the decisions that was good If they turned out to be bad decisions. it was my fault. he didn't have to take the blame or the responsibility."
"What? You truly think he was like that?"
"I know it my dear. I know it. Thirty seven years. remember?"
There was silence as the two women faced each other. reassessing and seeing each other anew.
Sandra sighed deeply and sat down at the table again.
"What's the use of this now? Tell me." she asked "What did he go to see you for the other night?"
Mary walked across the floor and began picking up the fragments of her glasses before she spoke. Then. slowly placing them on the table she tried to put her last
few moments of her time with Gerry into words.
"He came to say he wanted to finish our relationship." She fought back the tears as the memories flooded into her mind. "He said he knew he had made you unhappy for years and felt that now he was retired. he wanted to try and make amends. You know... make the last few years happier than the first ones."
Sandra's eyes widened and she asked huskily. "He really said that? You think he really meant it?" She tried to imagine Gerry confessing his remorse.
"Oh yes." Mary sobbed "He meant it Didn't he say anything to you when he got home? He said he was going to speak to you when he went back?"
The tears dripped off her chin and she remembered the anger and desolation that had overtaken her when Gerry, who had always promised her he would leave Sandra when he retired, made his announcement.
She had felt so betrayed and for a brief moment wanted to hurt him in return. Hurt him badly. In that brief terrifying time, she emptied the contents of three of
her heart medication capsules into his coffee. She wanted to make him sick enough to
need her, to stay with her. She didn't want to be alone anymore.
Now, she was unsure what had gone through her mind. All she knew was that he had died that night and it had been her fault She had been going to stop him from
drinking the coffee at the last minute but couldn't fmd the words quickly enough. The
sight of him swallowing its last dregs would haunt her forever.
"No, he didn't get the chance to speak to me." Sandra's voice came from miles away as she looked past Mary remembering Gerry walking into the kitchen. He had
tried to kiss her cheek but she had smelt the perfume on him. Might have guessed it was Mary's. She always wore something sweet and sickly.
She had told him crossly to leave her alone. He had shrugged and said he
felt a little ill and would lie down for a nap. He asked her to wake him, as he wanted to do something later.
She had sat in the kitchen brooding for a short time. Knowing he had been
with another woman again, and feeling incensed that he would still, after all these years,be playing the same silly games. All she wanted was a quiet few years, she was too tired of all the mind games that had been played for so long.
She thought he wanted to go out again to visit this new woman. Carefully,she had ground up some of her sleeping tablets and with a heap of sugar the way he liked
it, she took him in a drink . She remembered with a wrenching pain in her heart, that he had been grateful for her thoughtfulness. She had never thought they would be too much for him, that his heart had been weaker than she thought. She just wanted to keep him at home and make sure he missed his appointment with the other woman.
He died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Heart attack"brought on by stress of some sort, plus he did have very high cholesterol. " Their family doctor
had patted her shoulder sympathetically.
The two women sat in silence, each occupied by their terrifying thoughts. Each
felt responsible and guilty. Neither could share their secret.
"If only he had been honest with us." Mary said sadly
"If only. .. lots of things." Sandra sighed
Sandra was the first to break the silence again. This time her voice had regained its customary resolute tone.
"Ready now?"
"Oh yes. " Mary fussed with her gloves and knitted hat. "Umm. There was no mention of an autopsy was there?" she asked, her head shaking a little.
"Good Heavens no!" Sandra exclaimed, amazed that Mary should have voiced her greatest fear. "Oh no, nothing like that was mentioned. Why on earth would they?" she demanded wide-eyed.
"Oh. No reason. " Mary hastened to placate her as they closed the door behind them.
"I believe this funeral director has a nice manner and won't try to push something
too expensive onto me. "Sandra spoke in a casual conversational manner. "After all, a
cremation is the most sensible decision anyway."
"Oh I agree." Mary nodded vigorously "I agree."

The End ©My Write