Letter From The Other Side From Cynthia. Part 2.
Written by Elizabeth. M. Thompson

Dear Del,

Last time I wrote I told you of the day Aunt Alice and Uncle Rodger managed to be the catalysts for a dreadful outing with Monica and Tony.

I finished that letter just as Rodney their cousin had arrived in his tractor and pulled Tony’s brand new car out of the washed away crossing over a creek.

Monica, soaked to the skin and minus her shoes, an equally wet and bedraggled and muddy Uncle Rodger and a perfectly dry but irritating Aunt Alice were sitting in Rebecca’s( Rodney’s wife) old station wagon watching the broken and mangled car draining onto the road while Tiberius her Labrador dog frolicked happily in the creek.

“We’ll have to get a hired car to take us home.” Monica sighed. “That’s going to cost a fortune. Goodness knows when our car will be repaired.”

Looking down at her best coat and black dress she was so fond of, she mumbled, “Not to mention replacing our clothes.” Luckily she and Rebecca were much the same size. She would need to borrow something to wear home.

“Come along Tiberius.” Rebecca called to the dog still barking at a pair of nesting ducks he had disturbed. Tiberius reluctantly left the water and stood shaking the excess from his long coat. Great sprays flew in an arc around him.

Feeling thoroughly refreshed he raced for the car and before Monica could stop him he leapt in beside her depositing mud, grit and more water all over her already ruined clothes.

“Get out you smelly dog!” Aunt Alice commanded.

Tiberius not used to being yelled at looked at Aunt Alice with surprise and wagged his tail in a peace gesture.

“Out!” The old lady commanded again.

Appearing thoroughly confused Tiberius turned to Monica in dismay and swept his wet tongue up her cheek, hoping she would be friendlier.

“Oh you naughty boy Tiberius.” Rebecca chastised him indulgently. “I’m sorry Monica. He knows he should be in the back of the station wagon but he just loves to sit near people. Come on boy.” she called from the rear of the car and the dog jumped across Monica leaving another splatter of mud behind.

Aunt Alice had survived again without getting wet. Monica felt so bedraggled she gave up trying to clean herself and stifled a sob.

“Smelly dog he stinks the car out!” Aunt Alice complained.

Tony and Rodney, who had watched the dog’s antics, both guffawed at her remark. They had been subjected to many long descriptions of their aunt’s digestive problems and suffered it’s consequences in confined spaces, such as cars.

Rebecca who doted on her dog and found his companionship preferable to many people revved the car and drove off quickly thumping the car along the road and adding to everyone’s discomfort.

“Smelly indeed.” she muttered.

Uncle Rodger had nodded off and not noticed the comings and goings of Tiberius. He woke as they lurched along and was soon taking an interest in Rebecca’s driving.


Thinking the old people would enjoy meeting up with some friends their own age, Rebecca and thoughtfully invited some old friends and the Vicar to have lunch with them.

The small group were waiting out on the veranda of the homestead to meet the sorry looking passengers as they trudged up the steps.

“Oh my goodness, you’re a mess!” wailed one old lady in sympathy.

“Come in quickly and we’ll find you some dry clothes.” Rebecca patted Monica’s damp shoulder.

“I don’t need dry clothes.” Aunt Alice pointed out. “I knew to stay in the car and wait. I’m a country woman, I know what to do.”

“If I hear her say that one more time I’ll push her in the water myself.” Monica
complained through clenched teeth.

Uncle Rodger’s mud stained slacks clung to his thin legs and Rebecca suggested he have a shower. “That would be very nice Rebecca but I just don’t think I’m up to it. I’ll wash myself as best I can and just put a pair of Rodney’s trousers on.”

Rebecca wasn’t sure this was a good idea and wondered if Rodney had any trousers which could possible fit the old gentleman’s girth.

“Those pants are wash-n-wear pants. “Aunt Alice pointed out. “Just put them through the machine and dryer and they’ll be fine.”

“Oh good, I’ll just get you a dressing gown for now Uncle Rodger.”

“Humph. I suppose you’ll try and show your legs off to everyone now!” Aunt Alice glared at her bedraggled husband. “I’m going to get a cup of tea. I’m worn out from it all!”

After half an hour, Monica’s composure was restored a little. At least she was now dry, warm and clean.

When she entered the living room, Uncle Rodger was regaling the others about the day’s events and planting the blame for the wrong turning and driving through the water firmly on Tony’s shoulders. Aunt Alice who was sipping her tea obviously did not consider it worth contradicting him although she frequently told him to “put your knees together Rodger!”

“Silly young man.” someone muttered

“Yes, with two frail elderly people like that in the car it was a terrible risk to take.” said another.

“Yes.” agreed a third. “Anything might have happened, most unsuitable.”

Monica seethed with indignation, as Rebecca caught her eye and smiled sympathetically.

Eventually Tony and Rodney arrived back at the farm after watching the forlorn sight of the new car being taken along the rutted road on the back of the battered tow truck, water still dribbling from its interior.

“Go and have a shower and change into some of Rodney’s things you’ll feel a bit better.” Monica promised her hollowed eyed husband. “I’ll ask Rebecca if she has anything to put on your chin. It looks like you’ve done ten rounds with Kostya Tszyu instead of slamming it down on the car door.’

“He looks a bit drained and wrung out doesn’t he?” Rebecca whispered in her ear.

“Shh.” Monica muttered “It’s not funny”

“I know, I just couldn’t resist saying it. I’ve been living with Rodney too long.”

Tony disappeared into the bathroom to wash and change. He was too tired and upset to get angry with the girls at the moment.

He emerged afterward looking ridiculous in a plaid shirt about three sizes too large and a pair of jeans gathered around his waist with their long legs flapping like a demented seal’s flippers around his ankles and walked into the dining room in time to hear Uncle Rodger saying “Of course we knew it was the wrong road before he even turned into it.”

His jaw dropped as anger welled up again and in order to prevent himself from grabbing his uncle by the silly lapels of Rodney’s dressing gown he left the room to phone the car hire firm.

When at last he could bring himself to re-enter the dining room, he realized how hungry he was as Monica placed a plate of steak and vegetables in front of him.

The Vicar, who was amongst the guests, was surreptitiously feeding Tiberius with titbits from the table.

“You know that’s a bad habit to get that dog into Vicar don’t you?” Aunt Alice admonished him.
“Yes Alice, I’m aware of that but he’s such a lovely animal.’

“You get on well with dogs don’t you Vicar?” The lady in pink sitting on Tony’s left, remarked.

“I expect it’s because they both wear collars.” Rodney, who was topping up his alcohol consumption giggled into his glass.

The Vicar smiled. “Could be something like that Rodney.” Tiberius wagged his damp tail in expectation of more food.

Tony was feeling a little better, he was the last to be served with his lunch and cut into his steak trying to do justice to Rebecca’s cooking efforts.

Earlier he had heard her banging about in the kitchen crashing pots and drawers which he knew was a universal sign of the lady of the house being upset. He saw why when he glanced across at uncle Rodger who was cutting up his steak with a steak knife he had brought with him, a sure sign he had expected Rebecca to serve him a steak far too tough for his liking. No wonder she felt insulted and was taking it out on her kitchen fittings. He sighed, what more did this day from hell have in store for them?

The Vicar, aware of Tony and Monica’s plight in dealing with their difficult relatives, smile encouragingly at him and shrugged as if to say ‘go with the flow the day will end eventually. Aloud he said quietly ‘Life can be rather like Alice in Wonderland’s tea party some days can’t it?’

When Tony had phoned for a rental car he had heard the familiar drawl of the tow truck driver answer the phone. After a lot of unsuccessful pleading, the only car that was available for him to use for the return trip home was a small 1.6 litre model. That meant problems for everyone who travelled in it.

Monica groaned when he told her, but agreed the sooner they left for home the better. She wanted desperately to be in her own place and Tony wanted to get away from the crazy people.
“Do you think we could leave Uncle Rodger and Aunt Alice here with Rebecca and Rodney for the week?” he asked. “I really don’t think I can take two hours of them in the back of the small car so close to my ears and nose.”

“Oh Tony, just try and be quiet until we get home.” Monica pleaded. “Go and have another beer with Rodney and something more to eat.”

“I’m not sitting with them at that table any longer.”


Uncle Rodger had finished his large meal and now began to look at his watch. “You know if we don’t get going we’ll be late back to the Village and they’ll have a search party out for us.”

“Here are your clothes Uncle Rodger, all clean and dried.” Rebecca saved Tony from having to reply to the old man.

“Oh !Good girl. It’s as well someone knows what their doing around here.” Aunt Alice smiled. “Nothing like a country girl is there?” she asked of no one in particular as Monica hurriedly left the room.

“That mud was worse than New Guinea on the Kokoda Trail.” Uncle Rodger always one to exaggerate, was pleased with the new line he had thought up for when he returned to the Village.

“You were never in New Guinea.” Henry one of the men present sprayed crumbs from his last helping of trifle as he spoke.

“I’m a returned soldier!”

“You might be, but you were never in New Guinea. ‘Gawd Rodger you’ve always been such a blow-hard of a bloke. Never could resist big-noting yourself.”

“Don’t you speak to him like that Henry?” Aunt Alice jumped to her husband’s defence, “and look at you, always last to leave after you’ve scoffed everything in sight!”

“Huh! Right then…. I know when to leave all right woman! I’ll go right now and good riddance to you both. It’s a shame that creek wasn’t flowing harder and you didn’t go down it without a paddle!” He stood unsteadily, took up his hat and coat from a chair and walked in his marionette waddle, out the door.

“Aunt Alice. Please.” Rebecca pleaded. “You’ve upset Henry.”

“Hmph. No one cares that he upset me.” she snorted. “Oh. You have ants on your floor.”

“I what?” Rebecca rushed to look at the floor where Aunt Alice was pointing. She looked about everywhere. “There aren’t any ants there Aunt Alice.”

“Well I can see them. See! That’s what you get for allowing me to get upset. I’ve started to see them here now.”

“Oh dear.” Uncle Rodger groaned.

“What’s the problem?” The Vicar asked.

“The doctor has told her she has been seeing what looks like ants because she has a problem with her eyes in some lights, but she says it is stress.” Uncle Rodger explained raising an eyebrow significantly.

“What on earth has stressed her to such levels?” The Vicar enquired.

“It’s Rodger’s fault.” she shook her head angrily “he cares more for everyone else than he does for me.”
“And do you believe the ants are really there, or do you know that it is an hallucination?” The Vicar found this an interesting subject and not one that was unfamiliar to him.

“Of course I know they aren’t there.” she answered curtly.

“And you believe that Rodger, who has been married to you for let’s see now, fifty years, cares more about other people than you?”

Aunt Alice didn’t answer the Vicar.

Everyone waited as they watched the Vicar slowly turn the problem over in his mind.

Rodney who was about to open his mouth to say something about getting some insecticide spray, saw the look on Rebecca’s face and closed his lips.

“You know Rebecca had to restrain Rodger from going back into the water to rescue you don’t you Alice?” the Vicar asked.

“She did?”

“Yes.” the Vicar allowed himself a little bit of license with the truth. “She had to fight him back and force him to sit in the car while Rodney went for you. Rodger was furious with her for doing it. Weren’t you Rodger?”

“Well I never!” the old lady looked across at her husband.

Rodger sat still, looking at the Vicar with eyes which held almost as much affection as Tiberius before his food was put in front of him. He decided the Vicar was a splendid man.

“My dear,” Rodger turned and placed a hand on his wife’s arm. “You have no fear of my not caring for you.”

“Well.” She said still trying to make him realize the lengths to which his behaviour had driven her. “I had a good mind to leave you last week.”

“The waiting list for another unit would be very long Aunty Alice. I doubt that you could arrange one in time……..” Tony blurted as Monica hit him on the arm “before you die.” he finished in a whisper.

Rebecca found she had a need to go into the kitchen and Rodney choked on his beer.

“I think you would find leaving me a very complicated and difficult problem Alice.” Rodger replied quietly “I think perhaps you had better think it over for a while.”

The Vicar smiled. “Yes, give it a little bit of extra thought.” he agreed as he stroked Tiberius’s head.

The little lady in pink had been listening and watching impassively now spoke up during a moment of silence. “Henry was meant to drive me home. Now who’s going to drive me home?” she blinked at everyone.

Rodney got to his feet slowly. “I’ll drive you Maddy. It’s just up the road.’ he winked at Tony. “Nothing like a country man is there mate?’ he whispered.

The tow truck driver was a mate of Rodney’s and knowing the situation that led to the day’s events was happy to drive the rental vehicle out the few kilometres from town to the farm.
He had been thoughtful enough to bring anything that hadn’t been ruined by water from Tony’s car including the walking frame and the rugs.

“Uncle Rodger would you and Aunty Alice swap sides going home?” Monica asked.

Rodger looked at her in consternation. “But that isn’t my usual side.”

“I know but it’s such a small car if you sit behind Tony he will be very cramped in the front.”

“Oh well, he should have thought of that dear, before he drove into the water.” Aunt Alice chided her. “As it is we aren’t going to be very comfortable anyway.”

“FORGET IT!” stormed Tony “I just want to get home.”

With enormous huffs and puffs Uncle Rodger heaved and squashed himself into the small seat. “It’s not very comfortable Tony.” he complained.

“Well I’ll be driving with my knees around my ears. So that’s not going to be very comfortable either.” snapped Tony.

“Oh he is a bad tempered fellow some days.” Aunt Alice shook her head “Not like Rodney. Nothing is too much trouble for him.”

‘Let me drive.” Monica suggested. “That way you can have the seat back further because you’ll be sitting in front of Aunt Alice.”

“No. Oh No!” Tony shook his head adamantly. “I’ve lost my new car, because of them. They don’t seem to understand the car will probably be a write-off and we shall have to get another one. Not once have they had the decency to take any of the blame for the debacle. I’ve had enough for one day, in fact for much, much longer than a day; I’ve almost knocked myself out and look like some sort of brawling lout. I’m damned if I’m giving up the chance to drive them home.” He pressed his lips together hard and before Monica could call ‘goodbye’ to the smirking group gathered to say farewell, he planted his foot firmly toward the floor of the car and they shot down the drive to the highway.

“I know what your doing Tony,” Monica muttered as her head bounced close to the roof of the car yet again.

“Do you?” he asked innocently as he steered the car straight for the largest pothole he could see in the road ahead. “What am I doing dear?” they bounced again.

“I don’t blame you Tony, but we have to get home in one piece you know.”

“Really? Ah there’s a good one.” he aimed at a particularly deep rut.

Monica sighed. They were nearly at the end of the farm driveway. The turn-off onto the highway wasn’t too far away.

Uncle Rodger thumping about in the rear called loudly in Tony’s ear “You seem to be hitting every hole in the road Tony.”

“Oh I’ve managed to miss a few Uncle Rodger.” He replied grimly aiming for another one.

“We’re coming up to the turn-off soon you know?” The old man leaning forward almost banged his head against Tony.

As they slowed, Tony turned to Monica saying. “I’m going to squeeze some sort of enjoyment out of today. That was a stimulating little bit wasn’t it?”

Monica glared at him.

Aunt Alice travelled in silence grimly hanging on to the door grip, her knuckles white.

“I’m going to have to stop for something to eat at one of the fast food places before we get home.” Tony announced.

“You hate fast food.”

“Well I’m starving.”

“But I gave you a big plate of food.” Monica bounced again.

“Yes that’s true and although it was very tender and enjoyable, I missed out on trifle because Henry ate it all so I’m still hungry.’

Aunt Alice who had heard his comments replied “Oh it’s probably all the fresh air you’ve had today, you aren’t used to clean country air and Henry like so many older people has lost many of his socialising skills and manners.’

Tony’s knuckles turned white as he valiantly refrained from replying to his aunt while Monica groaned and opened the window for some additional fresh ‘country’ air.

There I shall leave them for today Del because the family melodrama, in the tradition of the theatre, has a final act to be played out.

From your quite exhausted ‘flower child’ friend,
Cynthia.