Letter From The Other Side From Cynthia. Part 2.
Written by Elizabeth. M. Thompson

Dear Del,

Last time I wrote I told you of the day Aunt Alice and Uncle Rodger managed to be the catalysts for a dreadful outing with Monica and Tony.

I finished that letter just as Rodney their cousin had arrived in his tractor and pulled Tony’s brand new car out of the washed away crossing over a creek.

Monica, soaked to the skin and minus her shoes, an equally wet and bedraggled and muddy Uncle Rodger and a perfectly dry but irritating Aunt Alice were sitting in Rebecca’s( Rodney’s wife) old station wagon watching the broken and mangled car draining onto the road while Tiberius her Labrador dog frolicked happily in the creek.

“We’ll have to get a hired car to take us home.” Monica sighed. “That’s going to cost a fortune. Goodness knows when our car will be repaired.”

Looking down at her best coat and black dress she was so fond of, she mumbled, “Not to mention replacing our clothes.” Luckily she and Rebecca were much the same size. She would need to borrow something to wear home.

“Come along Tiberius.” Rebecca called to the dog still barking at a pair of nesting ducks he had disturbed. Tiberius reluctantly left the water and stood shaking the excess from his long coat. Great sprays flew in an arc around him.

Feeling thoroughly refreshed he raced for the car and before Monica could stop him he leapt in beside her depositing mud, grit and more water all over her already ruined clothes.

“Get out you smelly dog!” Aunt Alice commanded.

Tiberius not used to being yelled at looked at Aunt Alice with surprise and wagged his tail in a peace gesture.

“Out!” The old lady commanded again.

Appearing thoroughly confused Tiberius turned to Monica in dismay and swept his wet tongue up her cheek, hoping she would be friendlier.

“Oh you naughty boy Tiberius.” Rebecca chastised him indulgently. “I’m sorry Monica. He knows he should be in the back of the station wagon but he just loves to sit near people. Come on boy.” she called from the rear of the car and the dog jumped across Monica leaving another splatter of mud behind.

Aunt Alice had survived again without getting wet. Monica felt so bedraggled she gave up trying to clean herself and stifled a sob.

“Smelly dog he stinks the car out!” Aunt Alice complained.

Tony and Rodney, who had watched the dog’s antics, both guffawed at her remark. They had been subjected to many long descriptions of their aunt’s digestive problems and suffered it’s consequences in confined spaces, such as cars.

Rebecca who doted on her dog and found his companionship preferable to many people revved the car and drove off quickly thumping the car along the road and adding to everyone’s discomfort.

“Smelly indeed.” she muttered.

Uncle Rodger had nodded off and not noticed the comings and goings of Tiberius. He woke as they lurched along and was soon taking an interest in Rebecca’s driving.


Thinking the old people would enjoy meeting up with some friends their own age, Rebecca and thoughtfully invited some old friends and the Vicar to have lunch with them.

The small group were waiting out on the veranda of the homestead to meet the sorry looking passengers as they trudged up the steps.

“Oh my goodness, you’re a mess!” wailed one old lady in sympathy.

“Come in quickly and we’ll find you some dry clothes.” Rebecca patted Monica’s damp shoulder.

“I don’t need dry clothes.” Aunt Alice pointed out. “I knew to stay in the car and wait. I’m a country woman, I know what to do.”

“If I hear her say that one more time I’ll push her in the water myself.” Monica
complained through clenched teeth.

Uncle Rodger’s mud stained slacks clung to his thin legs and Rebecca suggested he have a shower. “That would be very nice Rebecca but I just don’t think I’m up to it. I’ll wash myself as best I can and just put a pair of Rodney’s trousers on.”

Rebecca wasn’t sure this was a good idea and wondered if Rodney had any trousers which could possible fit the old gentleman’s girth.

“Those pants are wash-n-wear pants. “Aunt Alice pointed out. “Just put them through the machine and dryer and they’ll be fine.”

“Oh good, I’ll just get you a dressing gown for now Uncle Rodger.”

“Humph. I suppose you’ll try and show your legs off to everyone now!” Aunt Alice glared at her bedraggled husband. “I’m going to get a cup of tea. I’m worn out from it all!”

After half an hour, Monica’s composure was restored a little. At least she was now dry, warm and clean.

When she entered the living room, Uncle Rodger was regaling the others about the day’s events and planting the blame for the wrong turning and driving through the water firmly on Tony’s shoulders. Aunt Alice who was sipping her tea obviously did not consider it worth contradicting him although she frequently told him to “put your knees together Rodger!”

“Silly young man.” someone muttered

“Yes, with two frail elderly people like that in the car it was a terrible risk to take.” said another.

“Yes.” agreed a third. “Anything might have happened, most unsuitable.”

Monica seethed with indignation, as Rebecca caught her eye and smiled sympathetically.

Eventually Tony and Rodney arrived back at the farm after watching the forlorn sight of the new car being taken along the rutted road on the back of the battered tow truck, water still dribbling from its interior.

“Go and have a shower and change into some of Rodney’s things you’ll feel a bit better.” Monica promised her hollowed eyed husband. “I’ll ask Rebecca if she has anything to put on your chin. It looks like you’ve done ten rounds with Kostya Tszyu instead of slamming it down on the car door.’

“He looks a bit drained and wrung out doesn’t he?” Rebecca whispered in her ear.

“Shh.” Monica muttered “It’s not funny”

“I know, I just couldn’t resist saying it. I’ve been living with Rodney too long.”

Tony disappeared into the bathroom to wash and change. He was too tired and upset to get angry with the girls at the moment.

He emerged afterward looking ridiculous in a plaid shirt about three sizes too large and a pair of jeans gathered around his waist with their long legs flapping like a demented seal’s flippers around his ankles and walked into the dining room in time to hear Uncle Rodger saying “Of course we knew it was the wrong road before he even turned into it.”

His jaw dropped as anger welled up again and in order to prevent himself from grabbing his uncle by the silly lapels of Rodney’s dressing gown he left the room to phone the car hire firm.

When at last he could bring himself to re-enter the dining room, he realized how hungry he was as Monica placed a plate of steak and vegetables in front of him.

The Vicar, who was amongst the guests, was surreptitiously feeding Tiberius with titbits from the table.

“You know that’s a bad habit to get that dog into Vicar don’t you?” Aunt Alice admonished him.
“Yes Alice, I’m aware of that but he’s such a lovely animal.’

“You get on well with dogs don’t you Vicar?” The lady in pink sitting on Tony’s left, remarked.

“I expect it’s because they both wear collars.” Rodney, who was topping up his alcohol consumption giggled into his glass.

The Vicar smiled. “Could be something like that Rodney.” Tiberius wagged his damp tail in expectation of more food.

Tony was feeling a little better, he was the last to be served with his lunch and cut into his steak trying to do justice to Rebecca’s cooking efforts.

Earlier he had heard her banging about in the kitchen crashing pots and drawers which he knew was a universal sign of the lady of the house being upset. He saw why when he glanced across at uncle Rodger who was cutting up his steak with a steak knife he had brought with him, a sure sign he had expected Rebecca to serve him a steak far too tough for his liking. No wonder she felt insulted and was taking it out on her kitchen fittings. He sighed, what more did this day from hell have in store for them?

The Vicar, aware of Tony and Monica’s plight in dealing with their difficult relatives, smile encouragingly at him and shrugged as if to say ‘go with the flow the day will end eventually. Aloud he said quietly ‘Life can be rather like Alice in Wonderland’s tea party some days can’t it?’

When Tony had phoned for a rental car he had heard the familiar drawl of the tow truck driver answer the phone. After a lot of unsuccessful pleading, the only car that was available for him to use for the return trip home was a small 1.6 litre model. That meant problems for everyone who travelled in it.

Monica groaned when he told her, but agreed the sooner they left for home the better. She wanted desperately to be in her own place and Tony wanted to get away from the crazy people.
“Do you think we could leave Uncle Rodger and Aunt Alice here with Rebecca and Rodney for the week?” he asked. “I really don’t think I can take two hours of them in the back of the small car so close to my ears and nose.”

“Oh Tony, just try and be quiet until we get home.” Monica pleaded. “Go and have another beer with Rodney and something more to eat.”

“I’m not sitting with them at that table any longer.”


Uncle Rodger had finished his large meal and now began to look at his watch. “You know if we don’t get going we’ll be late back to the Village and they’ll have a search party out for us.”

“Here are your clothes Uncle Rodger, all clean and dried.” Rebecca saved Tony from having to reply to the old man.

“Oh !Good girl. It’s as well someone knows what their doing around here.” Aunt Alice smiled. “Nothing like a country girl is there?” she asked of no one in particular as Monica hurriedly left the room.

“That mud was worse than New Guinea on the Kokoda Trail.” Uncle Rodger always one to exaggerate, was pleased with the new line he had thought up for when he returned to the Village.

“You were never in New Guinea.” Henry one of the men present sprayed crumbs from his last helping of trifle as he spoke.

“I’m a returned soldier!”

“You might be, but you were never in New Guinea. ‘Gawd Rodger you’ve always been such a blow-hard of a bloke. Never could resist big-noting yourself.”

“Don’t you speak to him like that Henry?” Aunt Alice jumped to her husband’s defence, “and look at you, always last to leave after you’ve scoffed everything in sight!”

“Huh! Right then…. I know when to leave all right woman! I’ll go right now and good riddance to you both. It’s a shame that creek wasn’t flowing harder and you didn’t go down it without a paddle!” He stood unsteadily, took up his hat and coat from a chair and walked in his marionette waddle, out the door.

“Aunt Alice. Please.” Rebecca pleaded. “You’ve upset Henry.”

“Hmph. No one cares that he upset me.” she snorted. “Oh. You have ants on your floor.”

“I what?” Rebecca rushed to look at the floor where Aunt Alice was pointing. She looked about everywhere. “There aren’t any ants there Aunt Alice.”

“Well I can see them. See! That’s what you get for allowing me to get upset. I’ve started to see them here now.”

“Oh dear.” Uncle Rodger groaned.

“What’s the problem?” The Vicar asked.

“The doctor has told her she has been seeing what looks like ants because she has a problem with her eyes in some lights, but she says it is stress.” Uncle Rodger explained raising an eyebrow significantly.

“What on earth has stressed her to such levels?” The Vicar enquired.

“It’s Rodger’s fault.” she shook her head angrily “he cares more for everyone else than he does for me.”
“And do you believe the ants are really there, or do you know that it is an hallucination?” The Vicar found this an interesting subject and not one that was unfamiliar to him.

“Of course I know they aren’t there.” she answered curtly.

“And you believe that Rodger, who has been married to you for let’s see now, fifty years, cares more about other people than you?”

Aunt Alice didn’t answer the Vicar.

Everyone waited as they watched the Vicar slowly turn the problem over in his mind.

Rodney who was about to open his mouth to say something about getting some insecticide spray, saw the look on Rebecca’s face and closed his lips.

“You know Rebecca had to restrain Rodger from going back into the water to rescue you don’t you Alice?” the Vicar asked.

“She did?”

“Yes.” the Vicar allowed himself a little bit of license with the truth. “She had to fight him back and force him to sit in the car while Rodney went for you. Rodger was furious with her for doing it. Weren’t you Rodger?”

“Well I never!” the old lady looked across at her husband.

Rodger sat still, looking at the Vicar with eyes which held almost as much affection as Tiberius before his food was put in front of him. He decided the Vicar was a splendid man.

“My dear,” Rodger turned and placed a hand on his wife’s arm. “You have no fear of my not caring for you.”

“Well.” She said still trying to make him realize the lengths to which his behaviour had driven her. “I had a good mind to leave you last week.”

“The waiting list for another unit would be very long Aunty Alice. I doubt that you could arrange one in time……..” Tony blurted as Monica hit him on the arm “before you die.” he finished in a whisper.

Rebecca found she had a need to go into the kitchen and Rodney choked on his beer.

“I think you would find leaving me a very complicated and difficult problem Alice.” Rodger replied quietly “I think perhaps you had better think it over for a while.”

The Vicar smiled. “Yes, give it a little bit of extra thought.” he agreed as he stroked Tiberius’s head.

The little lady in pink had been listening and watching impassively now spoke up during a moment of silence. “Henry was meant to drive me home. Now who’s going to drive me home?” she blinked at everyone.

Rodney got to his feet slowly. “I’ll drive you Maddy. It’s just up the road.’ he winked at Tony. “Nothing like a country man is there mate?’ he whispered.

The tow truck driver was a mate of Rodney’s and knowing the situation that led to the day’s events was happy to drive the rental vehicle out the few kilometres from town to the farm.
He had been thoughtful enough to bring anything that hadn’t been ruined by water from Tony’s car including the walking frame and the rugs.

“Uncle Rodger would you and Aunty Alice swap sides going home?” Monica asked.

Rodger looked at her in consternation. “But that isn’t my usual side.”

“I know but it’s such a small car if you sit behind Tony he will be very cramped in the front.”

“Oh well, he should have thought of that dear, before he drove into the water.” Aunt Alice chided her. “As it is we aren’t going to be very comfortable anyway.”

“FORGET IT!” stormed Tony “I just want to get home.”

With enormous huffs and puffs Uncle Rodger heaved and squashed himself into the small seat. “It’s not very comfortable Tony.” he complained.

“Well I’ll be driving with my knees around my ears. So that’s not going to be very comfortable either.” snapped Tony.

“Oh he is a bad tempered fellow some days.” Aunt Alice shook her head “Not like Rodney. Nothing is too much trouble for him.”

‘Let me drive.” Monica suggested. “That way you can have the seat back further because you’ll be sitting in front of Aunt Alice.”

“No. Oh No!” Tony shook his head adamantly. “I’ve lost my new car, because of them. They don’t seem to understand the car will probably be a write-off and we shall have to get another one. Not once have they had the decency to take any of the blame for the debacle. I’ve had enough for one day, in fact for much, much longer than a day; I’ve almost knocked myself out and look like some sort of brawling lout. I’m damned if I’m giving up the chance to drive them home.” He pressed his lips together hard and before Monica could call ‘goodbye’ to the smirking group gathered to say farewell, he planted his foot firmly toward the floor of the car and they shot down the drive to the highway.

“I know what your doing Tony,” Monica muttered as her head bounced close to the roof of the car yet again.

“Do you?” he asked innocently as he steered the car straight for the largest pothole he could see in the road ahead. “What am I doing dear?” they bounced again.

“I don’t blame you Tony, but we have to get home in one piece you know.”

“Really? Ah there’s a good one.” he aimed at a particularly deep rut.

Monica sighed. They were nearly at the end of the farm driveway. The turn-off onto the highway wasn’t too far away.

Uncle Rodger thumping about in the rear called loudly in Tony’s ear “You seem to be hitting every hole in the road Tony.”

“Oh I’ve managed to miss a few Uncle Rodger.” He replied grimly aiming for another one.

“We’re coming up to the turn-off soon you know?” The old man leaning forward almost banged his head against Tony.

As they slowed, Tony turned to Monica saying. “I’m going to squeeze some sort of enjoyment out of today. That was a stimulating little bit wasn’t it?”

Monica glared at him.

Aunt Alice travelled in silence grimly hanging on to the door grip, her knuckles white.

“I’m going to have to stop for something to eat at one of the fast food places before we get home.” Tony announced.

“You hate fast food.”

“Well I’m starving.”

“But I gave you a big plate of food.” Monica bounced again.

“Yes that’s true and although it was very tender and enjoyable, I missed out on trifle because Henry ate it all so I’m still hungry.’

Aunt Alice who had heard his comments replied “Oh it’s probably all the fresh air you’ve had today, you aren’t used to clean country air and Henry like so many older people has lost many of his socialising skills and manners.’

Tony’s knuckles turned white as he valiantly refrained from replying to his aunt while Monica groaned and opened the window for some additional fresh ‘country’ air.

There I shall leave them for today Del because the family melodrama, in the tradition of the theatre, has a final act to be played out.

From your quite exhausted ‘flower child’ friend,
Cynthia.

Letter From The Other Side by Cynthia Part 3

Dear Del,

You will remember I finished my last letter at the stage when Monica and Tony had left the farm after a disastrous day during which their car ended up in a creek. Aunt Alice had been seeing ants if upset, and Tony was ready to wring her neck.

They were driving in a small hired vehicle.

About three quarters of an hour later, the four travellers grunted and groaned as they tried to straighten their cramped limbs getting out of the car. Uncle Rodger supported by his frame and glad of the stop, headed for the ‘gentleman’s conveniences’. After inspecting the facilities and chatting to a few fellow travellers he returned to the restaurant.

He stood looking about him as they waited in a line to give their orders. ‘Never been in one of these places before.’ He conceded.

‘That’s because you say they charge like wounded bulls.’ Aunt Alice reminded him. ‘Though how you’d know having never been in one I don’t know. I only want a cup of tea anyway, so I’ll go and sit down, you can carry mine over.’ She walked supported by her cane, her head held in a haughty manner toward a table. She bent to dust the seat carefully with her handkerchief which she took from her coat pocket, checked the cleanliness of the plastic table top while muttering about the lack of decent table cloths in eating establishments these days and sat down ready to be waited upon.

A spotty youth asked Uncle Rodger for his order. ‘Well what have your got?’ he asked innocently.

The youth pointed upwards at all the colourful displays along the boards over his head.

‘What are they? Eh?’ he questioned, indicating by putting his hand behind his ear that he couldn’t hear. ‘It’s so noisy in here I can’t hear what your saying.’

The young man repeated all the foods available.

‘What no roast beef?’

The young man’s composure showed its first crack. ‘We don’t have roasts.’ his smile faded.
‘No roast beef! Well I never.’ Uncle Rodger was mystified. ‘What sort of place was this?’

Slowly he took his glasses from his pocket, undid the case and put them on. He stood back and peered up at the various menus above him. The queue lengthened by the second as new people arrived from the highway for a fast meal and quick get-away.

With care he laboriously read each board. His confusion increased as he watched others leaving with trays loaded with food.

‘Do you have a Senior’s Specials menu?’

The young man jiggled on his feet and drummed his fingers in a tattoo on the bench top.
“No.”
‘Oh, no Senior’s Specials, dear me.’ he hummed and hawwwed some more
‘Oh that looks nice.’ he pointed at a passing tray ‘I might have some of that. What’s that?’ he queried.

The young man’s smile split his face once again as he explained what had been in the order.

‘Oh onions. No,……… I can’t have onions.’ Uncle Rodger was back to square one.

Tony stood behind him pretending he didn’t know him, enjoying the pleasure of hearing someone else being harassed by his uncle instead of him.

Eventually Monica, unable to cope with the comments of people in the queue, came forward and helped Uncle Rodger choose a piece of pie and a cup of tea. ‘You go and sit down Uncle Rodger I’ll carry the things over to you.’ After all, she had to keep reminding herself of his age.
‘That was mean of you Tony.’ she said as she passed him carrying the tray.

Tony, not feeling so forgiving, ordered a large hamburger with the lot, a piece of pie and two cups of coffee for himself. They could sit and watch him eat.

For the next twenty minutes that is exactly what they did as he slowly and deliberately chewed his way through the food. Occasionally he stopped to make conversation and offered to get more drinks for everyone.

Unfortunately, the mention of onions reminded Uncle Rodger of his last visit to his doctor. He began a word for word replay of the visit for his companions and because of the carrying power of his voice, also the people sitting at the tables surrounding them. Everyone was treated to a vivid and explicit description of Uncle Rodger’s health and the intimate workings of his bowels.

Monica could feel the blood rushing to her cheeks as she watched the giggling and shaking shoulders of the teenagers sitting at a table beside them. She didn’t blame them really but kept wishing the old man would stop.

Eventually they rose to leave and one of the young men winked at her saying. ‘Bit too much detail there at times wasn’t there?’

Aunt Alice had been so quiet during the meal Monica was feeling concerned about her. The day had been disastrous enough to make anyone tired let alone a woman of her aunt’s age. She saw the old lady looking at the floor.

Uncle Rodger running out of medical anecdotes turned to his wife and asked. ‘Why are you looking at the floor? Do you see any ants here?’

She nodded. ‘Yes, but there aren’t quite as many.’

The young waitress wiping a table near them looked up, she had overheard the remark.
‘Are there ants here madam?’

‘Yes .’Aunt Alice replied before Monica could get a word in.

‘Oh my goodness, I’ll go and get the manager.’ she rushed off and disappeared into the depths of the restaurant.

‘No, No!’ Monica called.

Tony put his head in his hands. He could feel the day slipping away from his grasp again.

A short man with a paunch equal or perhaps even larger than Uncle Rodgers walked swiftly across the gleaming floor toward them.

‘I know where he eats all the time.’ Tony muttered as the fellow approached their table.
His smile reached across his flabby face and he rubbed his thick little fingers together. He bent as far as his figure would allow as he quietly asked the group. ‘Is there a problem here? The waitress tells me you have an ant problem.’ He beamed at them as though it was the happiest news he had heard all day.

‘My wife is seeing ants.’ Uncle Rodger explained unhelpfully.

The man’s eyebrows rose above his puffy eyes. ‘Ants! Goodness Madam, where did you see these ants?’

‘There.’ Aunt Alice, pointed at the clean and bare floor tiles.

“Well, there are no ants there now that I can see.” The man walked slowly across the floor examining the details of the tiles he saw every day.

“Well I can see some.”

“No madam you can’t. There are no ants on our floor. I assure you we have the highest standards of cleanliness here. There are definitely no ants on the floor. You are mistaken.”

“Oh Oh.” groaned Uncle Rodger.

“That was the wrong thing to say mate.” Tony smiled, touching his chin carefully.

“How dare you call me a liar, young man!” Aunt Alice was furious. Her little grey head shook with rage.

“I’m not calling you a liar madam I’m simply saying you are mistaken.”

“Well I’m NOT!”

“I really think you should just agree with the lady.” Tony told him. Monica nodded in agreement.

The manager could see that the rest of the patrons and staff were interested in the goings on at the table. The idea suddenly occurred to him that these people were in some sort of conspiracy to defraud him. They were claiming ants and vermin in his restaurant and might be trying to gain legal compensation.

“Madam.” He tried again, took a deep breath and lowering his voice. “You do not see ants!”

“I’m a country woman, I’ll have you know and I know ants when I see them!” Aunt Alice now had the attention of everyone.

Newcomers from the highway wondered what they had walked into. Some suspected there was some sort of crime going on in the place there was so much tension in the air.

“Believe me mate; you’d be better to agree with her.” Tony sighed.

“So. You sir are the brain behind this conspiracy are you?” The manager pointed an accusing finger at Tony.

“What conspiracy?” Tony asked puzzled.

“Yes.” Monica questioned. “What conspiracy?”

“Don’t you try and deny this is some sort of extortion thing you have dreamed up.” The man’s chins wobbled and his cheeks flushed pink. “Brenda! Call the police!”

“What?” everyone chorused?

“I don’t believe this.” Tony stood up. “We’re going.”

“Oh no you’re not!” The manager called for re-enforcements and Tony was flattened by a few over eager teenager’s who had watched too may police movies.

They held him down on the floor while Monica screamed at them to leave him alone and Uncle Rodger and Aunt Alice held hands, cowering together on their chairs. Tony’s right arm was forced painfully up his back and he yelled in agony. “Get off. Get off.” He choked hoarsely. “It’s all a misunderstanding we can explain.”

“You can explain to the police.” The manager feeling forceful and manly, his latent testosterone finding an outlet at last, felt he had handled a potentially catastrophic situation for the company very well. There might even be a promotion in it for him. He patted his paunch lovingly.


The police who had arrived with screaming sirens laconically eyed their potential criminals.
One of them had a glint in his eyes which reminded Tony of Rodney. He looked up from where he still sat on the floor trying to get his arm back into a normal position.

The officer stood allowing his gaze to drift across the group in front of him, calculating the ages of the accused as the manager, his arms waving excitedly, described his extortion theory to him.
The manager claimed the group had tried to extort money from the company and Aunt Alice kept interrupting him by saying she knew what she had seen and knew an ant when she saw it.

Eventually the police spoke to Monica who explained Aunt Alice’s little hallucination problems and the matter was finally cleared up. Tony was released by his teenage captors, brushed down and apologized to and the price of the meals refunded.

Turning to the fat man, Tony poked his ample chest hard and said “I never thought I’d say this to anyone mate. But after the day I’ve had. I’m going to sue you.” He strode from the place with as much dignity as he could. His chin throbbing and his arm refusing to unbend and straiten into a natural position.


The manager watched them make their way slowly out the door wondering what sort of money the company would now have to pay for wrongful accusation and false imprisonment.

The police ambled out to their car muttering and laughing quietly.

The episode gave the rest of the people a good topic to laugh about for the remainder of their trips.

The four were feeling so tired that no- one wanted to speak. Tony helped the old people into the rear seat, his arm paining him as he tried to do the seat belts up.

“Bloody little Rambo’s have hurt my shoulder.” He complained to Monica who was in tears. “I don’t think I have ever been so embarrassed in my life. This is the worst day I have ever had.” She sobbed.

Tony agreed but didn’t say anything more.

“You could have explained much sooner you know Tony.” Aunt Alice said.


“It might have been good if you hadn’t kept insisting the ants were there in the first place.” Tony nearly side-swiped a car as he entered the traffic while looking around into the rear to yell at her.

“Tony, look out! Watch what you’re doing!” Monica screamed.

“Yes Tony. We all want to get home in one piece.” Uncle Rodger mumbled.

Within a short time of leaving the roadhouse debacle, the old people had returned to discussing the family and somehow the subject of a friend’s funeral came up. After a little more discussion Aunt Alice was heard to say, “I’m not going to get buried; I’ve decided I’ll get cremated.”

“Maybe they’ll let me turn the gas on.” Tony muttered.

The conversation slowed and the two old people began to doze.

Monica was still wiping away the occasional tear.

They reached the outskirts of the city and Uncle Rodger woke up enough to give directions to the retirement village. After an hour and feeling as though it had been a year since they had left in the morning they were back.

His arm was aching and his bruised chin throbbed painfully. Tony slowly unwound his legs out of the car and tried to stretch to take the kinks out of his back before he unpacked the old people’s things and took them shuffling along the path to their unit.

‘What a straggling ill-kempt little group we must look.’ Monica thought as she dragged her feet along in Rebecca’s sandals.

As soon as they entered the unit, Aunt Alice pointed at the floor. “They’re gone. Look!”

“What are?” Monica asked wearily.

“The ants they’re gone.”

“That’s good Aunt Alice. I’m glad they’ve gone. What a shame they couldn’t have gone sooner. I’ll come in tomorrow and check on how you’re feeling but I must get home. Get yourself to bed you must be very tired. I know I am.”

The old lady nodded and Monica and Tony left hurriedly.

Goodness knows what they’ll say about us to everyone there.” Monica worried. “They might not let us take them out again if Uncle Rodger keeps stretching the truth the way he does.”

“Let’s hope that’s a definite possibility.” Tony answered.

She didn’t tell him to shut up.



The whole of the following week Monica thought about the dreadful day. It had been a day from hell. The only good thing to come out of it was that Aunty Alice’s ants disappeared.
She realized the Vicar had planted the right thoughts in Aunt Alice’s head and she had settled down enough for the hallucinating to stop. How she could settle after such a day Monica couldn’t understand but ‘the oldies’ didn’t seem to realize the problems she and Tony were having without the car either. They only had her small car to rely on.

She supposed they were losing touch with daily life.

From the kitchen, she could hear Tony on the phone.

He was saying. “You mean I’m not covered? But it wasn’t my fault! Yes, I know I was the driver but the road wasn’t maintained and the passengers assured me it would be alright…..Well thanks for bloody nothing.” He threw his phone onto the couch.

She waited as a wild eyed Tony turned to her. “We aren’t covered by the insurance. They say it was driver error and my decision to drive into the water on a private road. So we don’t get a cent back.”

“How much will it be to fix?” she asked hardly daring to hear the answer.

A few thousand dollars!”

“Oh. No! There goes our holiday.” she gasped.

The phone ringing interrupted them and Monica slowly turned to answer it.

“Hello?..... Yes,….. yes Aunt Alice,……. I’ll tell him but I…..don’t know.” she faltered.

Monica looked at Tony waiting for him to ask what the call was about.

“Well? What was it?” he could see it was something she needed to tell him.

“Uncle Alf died today. The funeral is next week. They want to know if we will take them.”

Tony’s eyes widened. He began to shake. His whole body shook from side to side in his denial.

“Oh NO. Definitely NOT.!. NO!.... NO.!..” Tony bellowed walking out slamming the door.

That Del, was a day I am very glad I wasn’t present, but I’m sure will go down in the family history as the high water mark of the journals which included the Life and Times of Aunt Alice and Uncle Rodger.

I hope you have enjoyed it in the way a person can when it doesn’t happen to them.

Teddy and I will take over duty from now on.

From your ‘flower child friend’ Cynthia.